I just had another crying incident this past week. If you want to read the previous crying incident, way back in Feb 2013, feel free to click here Otherwise, read on.
As some of you may know, I’m currently studying in Bible school. This week I was attending an Old Testament class, and the teacher was teaching us about the lament psalms. She said it’s important to get someone to express his or her feelings, even his or her complaints against God. Only then can thanksgiving come. She then told some stories of people who had undergone personal struggles and for some totally unknown reason to me, as Psalm 22 was read, and as the stories were being told, I felt like I was going to cry. You know that weird feeling. Like your throat becomes a little dry. Your heart churns. Your eyes get blurry.
Anyway I didn’t cry in class. I went back to my room, and told my brother, “I don’t know why I feel like crying.” He told me to return to my room and pray. And so I went back to my room and changed into more comfortable clothes.
Okay, let me read Ps 22 again. Once I started on the first verse, “My God, My God, why have you forsaken me…” I broke down and wept. I had no idea why. Could these have been bottled up feelings and hurts? Prompted by God, I continued reading Ps 22, and then Lamentations – especially chapter 3, and marked with crazy intervals of reading and crying. Lam 3 is such an amazingly beautiful chapter. (I won’t comment on it here, go read and meditate on the words yourself).
In the afternoon, I arranged to meet my lecturer, and she spent almost 2 hours speaking with me (God bless her!) I won’t write here what I spoke to her about, but in general terms, I would say that I shared on some issues I had to deal with, and even personal sin that can be rather sensitive to write here. (As a digression, I want to say how liberating it is to be able to be honest about who you really are, your struggles, your sins, etc. Do be brave and confess your sin to each other that ypu may be healed, James 5:16)
We talked and prayed, and spent time listening to the voice of God. God seemed to be telling me this:
Sean, I love you. It is an unconditional love. A steadfast love, a faithful love. I love you as you are, with all your flaws and imperfections. I’ve poured out my love into your heart by the Holy Spirit (Rom 5:5). Only when you’ve truly experienced and understand how I love you, can you then extend that kind of love to others. To love one another as I’ve loved you. A love that’s in spite of a person’s flaws or imperfections.
That hit me. And is still hitting me now.
And so we closed the meeting with prayer, and smiles of course 🙂
After dinner, I had a chat with the hostel warden, who I truly respect as having a pastoral heart. It started with his sermon last week, where he said that for a breakthrough to happen in our lives, something has to break (in our lives). I told him after that sermon how it had ministered to me. I chatted with him, which I thought would last 15 mins but turned out to be an hour. (God bless him!)
Not going into the details of what was shared with him, but all I can say is that I’m thankful for God’s work in our lives! Truly,
The wind blows where it wishes, and you hear its sound, but you do not know where it comes from or where it goes. So it is with everyone who is born of the Spirit.
Go on to read the continuation, here.